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Swamp Thoughts

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

When the Demons Call

I screen my calls. I think most people do. But what happens when they start calling you in your dreams? You wake up with the echo of the ring, or a voice, in your head, saying, “We’re inside….” Inside where!?! You check the doors, you lock them twice, and then you hear your heater speak to you, “inside…inside…”. Now that’s not funny.

But seriously, all dreaming aside, don’t you get annoyed when you realize that telemarketers are calling you later and later and even as early as 8am? Sheesh, I remember one time being woken up around 8 at night, when I was working crazy hours. This guy calls me out of the blue trying to sell me something. I told him I was sleeping, he said he was sorry for waking me, and then he kept on talking. I just hung up on him after that. Then, just the other day, now that I’m retired and I can sleep whenever I want, some mortgage guy calls at 8am! Where do these telemarketers come from? Do they breed and spring from the bowels of Hell? I’m very defensive about my sleep. So, now I’m thinking of becoming a telemarketer for telemarketers. I can call them on their off times, from 9pm to 8am. “Hello, is (completely butcher name here) in? Oh, did I (wake you, interrupt your dinner, call while you were having whoopie, etc.)? I’m sorry, but I want to tell you about my new plan to convert heathen-born telemarketers into productive and likeable people. Oh, (laugh friendly-like), you don’t really need to make money by calling people. Look at me, I’m a happy person, not being paid at all. Doing this out of the kindness of my heart. You can be as happy as me, really. Wait! Don’t hang up now and miss this opportunity!”

Yeah, that would be great. Star 69 all them people and get a good collection of numbers on your roster. Call them weekly, and then every day. Get their addresses and send them cards to join our Happy Me club, and get smiley points whenever they hang up that phone.

OK, I know I have been avoiding talking about my vacations, so, let me keep up the trend, and say, I’ll do it next blog (Ha!).