Brain Warts and What Causes Them: A Love Story
About 2 weeks ago, I made a sudden realization about my current situation: even though I have no cash coming in, nobody who wants to buy my house, and a dwindling speck of a bank account, I like my life. Instead of having several small things constantly zipping around my worry wart (in my brain), I only have one big issue to deal with: how do I get money?
Now, considering that is the only worry I have of late, I'd say life is pretty good. Money, a big issue, can be solved as soon as I sell my house, or, by getting a temp job. I like that I don't have to worry about a thousand issues at work, my dog, my house, my cars, my relationships, and so many other things. I can now do the chores at home that I wanted to do. I can volunteer my time helping non-profit organizations, I can take classes, learn new skills for my next career leap, and you know, I don't feel drained at the end of the day. I finally feel that I've completed things and I've done a lot of productive things. I feel motivated to do more and I'm generally content.
Now, I don't seem to get around to everything that I would like to. It's strange that I am busier now than I was when I was working. I guess I could use work as an excuse (and a valid one at that) to not to the other things that needed attention: my dog, my house, my cars, my garden, and so forth. I didn't have the energy, time, or inclination to do much more than work and drive to and from work. But the payback was money, and that was everything. I even consoled my dog by saying to her, "I have to leave you. I have to work to make the money that feeds you and buys your vet visits." You know, she never understood, but she accepted it. And I did, too. But I have a better grasp of my priorities now, and I have a lot of time where I can nap or do nothing. Which is something.
So, what I'm saying is that I don't regret quitting work when I did. I would have been miserable, and for what: money? That, I now know, isn't worth it. Life isn't meant to be put on hold. Living, and taking in all that comes with it, is what fascinates me. I'm not going to stay at an unfulfilling job when I can use that time to pursue what satisfies my values. Making the world a safer, peaceful, and synchronous place to live is what I would like to pursue. And I will do it: one person at a time, starting with me.
Now, considering that is the only worry I have of late, I'd say life is pretty good. Money, a big issue, can be solved as soon as I sell my house, or, by getting a temp job. I like that I don't have to worry about a thousand issues at work, my dog, my house, my cars, my relationships, and so many other things. I can now do the chores at home that I wanted to do. I can volunteer my time helping non-profit organizations, I can take classes, learn new skills for my next career leap, and you know, I don't feel drained at the end of the day. I finally feel that I've completed things and I've done a lot of productive things. I feel motivated to do more and I'm generally content.
Now, I don't seem to get around to everything that I would like to. It's strange that I am busier now than I was when I was working. I guess I could use work as an excuse (and a valid one at that) to not to the other things that needed attention: my dog, my house, my cars, my garden, and so forth. I didn't have the energy, time, or inclination to do much more than work and drive to and from work. But the payback was money, and that was everything. I even consoled my dog by saying to her, "I have to leave you. I have to work to make the money that feeds you and buys your vet visits." You know, she never understood, but she accepted it. And I did, too. But I have a better grasp of my priorities now, and I have a lot of time where I can nap or do nothing. Which is something.
So, what I'm saying is that I don't regret quitting work when I did. I would have been miserable, and for what: money? That, I now know, isn't worth it. Life isn't meant to be put on hold. Living, and taking in all that comes with it, is what fascinates me. I'm not going to stay at an unfulfilling job when I can use that time to pursue what satisfies my values. Making the world a safer, peaceful, and synchronous place to live is what I would like to pursue. And I will do it: one person at a time, starting with me.
posted by swampglow at
1:41 PM
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